I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell

In a normal job, you go in at 9am, do the assigned tasks, and at 5pm you have something to show for it. There are new customers, or forms are filled out, or a home has new paint on it or whatever it is you do, you can point to something tangible and say, “That is what I did today.”
It’s not like that with a movie. At it’s best, making a movie is controlled chaos; every day you have numerous different tasks that call on completely different parts of the brain, require your full focus, and show no immediate results. Take for example one day last week I clearly remember. Over the course of the day, we did all these things:
Script revisions: Nils and I spent two hours going over some small changes and assorted other minor script issues.
Financing call: I spent at least an hour dealing with various issues surrounding the financing of the movie.
Meeting with a potential line producer: Me, Nils, Max and Bob had a meeting with one of the people we were considering attaching as a line producer.
Casting session: Two and a half hours, very typical casting session, read about 10-12 actors/actresses.
Meeting with an actress about a part: After the casting session, took a meeting with an actress.
Walking to the car after that last meeting, it was like 6pm, and Nils and I had been going basically non-stop since 9am. I turned to him and said, “Dude, I am dead tired…and I’m not sure I could tell you one thing we actually finished today. How weirdly demoralizing is this?”
There is such a huge difference between the effort you put in and the results you see, that being a producer is unlike any other job I know of. If you want immediate gratification, this is the worst job on earth. Every thing we did on that list was a continuation of a process, not the beginning or the end. No matter what you do, there is always something else to be done, and you are never done. Even when you finish something, that act creates multiple things to do. You attach a director? Now you have to attach a crew. You get a casting director? Now you have to get actors. You got actors? Now you have to shoot the movie. Ad infinitum.
It’s so funny, because none of this has any immediate result either. It’s all in the service of one 90 minute movie that won’t be released until about this time next year. My entire life, everything I do in this job, is completely focused on that moment in time. So all these things I am doing are going to be judged by what happens then, not what is going on now. This is antithetical to how so much in life works.
Someone asked me the other day if I ever got swept up in the hype and excitement of making a movie. I told them that the opposite is true–I am so bogged down by the day to day duties of the movie I have problems getting excited about the big picture.
Dude, I am making a fucking movie! About my life! And you know what? All I can think about right now is getting the line producer’s contract done, getting the offer out to the DP, figuring out the tax implications of the payment schedule we’ve set up for the casting associates, etc, etc.
My old editor, Jeremie Ruby-Strauss, once told me a very wise thing. When I was writing I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell, I called him one day and started yapping some nonsense about turning it into a movie and how big it was going to be–seriously, this was early 2005 right before I turned the manuscript in–and he stopped me:
JRS “Tucker, quiet. You are writing a book. I don’t care about the movie. If you focus on the prize, you’ll miss the target. But if you focus on the target, you’ll hit it…and then you get the prize.”
Writing a book was the target. I kept my eye on it, hit it, and got the prize. What was the prize? The best-seller list was nice, and money is never bad, but ultimately, it was the chance to turn the book into a movie. This is the prize.
But making a movie–the prize–is itself a constantly shifting, endless set of targets. You focus on one, hit it, and two more pop up to replace it. You hit those, four more pop up to replace them. And you can’t rest, you can’t relax, you can’t start thinking of what happens if you hit all the targets because then you start missing targets.
No one wants to think about a 100 million dollar domestic box office or winning awards or fucking starlets more than me, but if I do that then I’ll start missing targets, and if I miss too many, I don’t get the prize. So I have to forget about everything except the target in front of me, nail it, and move to the next. Rinse and repeat, without much feedback or correction or gratification. Everything, good or bad, comes in a year, at the release. But I have to forget that, and just keep hitting targets. Eventually, I’ll run out. And when that happens, if I hit enough, I’ll have a great movie. Which is the real prize.
Like I said: If it was easy, more people would do it.
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I am going to start putting out a weekly update every Sunday, where I go over any developments, give out the basic info on where we are in terms of production, and wrap-up all the other tidbits that didn’t fit into a post of their own.
-Right now we have two of the three males leads cast, and we have strong front-runners for both females leads. The search for Tucker is still very much up in the air. We are going to NYC for all of next week to read a bunch of actors, we’ll see how it goes. Joseph is already taking tapes from Chicago, Vancouver, and all over, trying to find that guy.
-I think we have cast about 15 of the other 50 speaking roles. That is a guess though.
-Speaking of, we have some awesome cameos already lined up–a platinum selling rapper, two UFC fighters, at least one guy I went to law school with (he’s in the stories), and Drew Curtis. A bunch of other cameos are being worked out now.
-Aside from the five leads, there is one other very important supporting role. We met with an Oscar-winning actress about the role, she’s interested and we may end up making a deal with her. Even though it’s only ten to fifteen minutes of screen time total, if she takes it, I think she could steal every scene she’s in (I’m going to write more about this later if she ends up taking the role).
-Some guy came in to read for some minor part on Friday. Drunk. Like hammered, carrying a six pack with him. Deanna (Joseph’s assistant) said he was rambling on and on about how awesome he thought I was and how much he wanted to meet me. She said it was the most creeped she’s been in six years of casting. I told her an average event for me has at least ten dudes like that. You should have seen the look on her face.
-I am starting to get all kinds of emails from people about this movie. I normally get a lot, but now, man, it’s insane. People asking for jobs, people asking to be extras, everything.
-I made a major mistake. I bought Mario Kart for the Nintento Wii today. This game may impact the time I spend on the movie it is so addictive. I loved the old Mario Kart, but this one is even better.
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This blog has been totally about the movie thus far. But it all started in a book I wrote (also called I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell), which has done pretty well.
In fact, last week marked a full year–52 total weeks–on the New York Times Best Seller list. I know the THR article said it had spent three years on the best seller list, but that’s not quite right. It appeared on the list in 2006, 2007, and 2008 for a TOTAL of one year over the course of three years.
But as nice as it is to be on the premier best seller list in the world, this one may be better, if it’s true (I’m trying to confirm it now–if any of you have access to the Thai best seller list, please email me). This is an email I just got:
Name of sender: [redacted]
Email of sender: [redacted]
Age of sender: 20
Location: Thailand
Hi Tucker!
I have read your book, it got translate in Thai.
It’s in top 10 best-seller here.
I love to read all of your stories. So much fun!
I just wanna send this email to you just becoz i like your book very much.
Have a nice drinking day.

If you are one of those who don’t have a copy of the book, buy it here.
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Had a casting session today, and it went great. Right afterwards, I got a phone call. It was from a girl I went to law school with, “Becky,” but hadn’t talked to in years and years. Becky was one of the few hot girls at Duke Law when I was there, and I never fucked her and it always kinda pissed me off. Granted, it didn’t upset me enough to actually put in the effort required to fuck her, but nonetheless–when I was drunk I did hit on her, and I would not have turned it down were it offered.
The conversation [parsed to the entertaining parts]:
Tucker “Becky? What the hell are you calling me for?”
Becky “Tucker, hey how are you doing?”
Tucker “There is a zero percent chance this call does not have some ulterior motive.”
Becky “Tucker! Ugh…well, my roommate is an actress, and she is reading for a part in a movie, and she showed me the script…”
Tucker “I KNEW IT!”
Becky “Tucker, I cannot believe this. First off, congratulations on being a big movie producer. And the script is hilarious. It really is just like you guys were in law school. She couldn’t believe that a person like SlingBlade was real, but I assured her, indeed he was, and that the script portrayed him very accurately in all his dysfunctional splendor.”
Tucker “Thanks, but you already missed your chance to fuck me Becky. I’m a star now, you’re going to have to stand in line with the rest of the gold diggers.”
Becky “Tucker! You know the only reason you still want me is because I didn’t put out.”
Tucker “Please. Is your roommate hot? If not, tell her not to waste our time.”
Becky “Star or not, nothing has changed with you, has it? Yes, she is very hot. One thing though about the script–I don’t remember you being that cool.”
Tucker “Eat a dick, bitch.”
Becky “When are you coming to NYC?”
Tucker “All next week, for casting.”
Becky “Let’s get together for drinks.”
I have known Becky for ten years. Since 1998, the year I started at Duke. I think this is the FIRST time she has ever invited me out for drinks.
And here I thought the gold diggers would at least wait until we announced the cast.
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So we had a casting session today. It went about the same as all the other casting sessions–lots of guys reading for Tucker, lots of girls reading for the two female leads–except we are now into the smaller roles, so we are reading more people and they are coming in for shorter scenes.
About halfway through today’s session, this tall, good looking guy comes in. He is wearing a pink polo shirt. Since the SlingBlade and [PWJ/GoldenBoy] roles are basically already cast, the only male role we are reading for is Tucker. Why the FUCK would this guy come in to read for Tucker in a PINK POLO SHIRT??
It gets worse. He pops the collar and rolls the sleeves up, one roll per side. I can’t take it anymore.
Tucker “You’re popping your collar?”
Actor “Yeah.”
Tucker “So this is what you think that character would do? Pop his collar?”
Actor “Yeah, definitely.”
Tucker “Seriously, you might as well leave now.”
I literally pointed to the door. I swear to god. I was fuming; it was all I could do to not punch this dude in the face.
He looked confused, and sheepishly put the collar back down and rolled the sleeves back. Everyone in the room was looking at me like I was a dick, but you know what–at some point, you just have to put your foot down and stop the insanity. No one is going to come into my casting room and pop their collar to read for Tucker Max. Call me an asshole fine, but I am not a fucking collar-popping douche bag.
Then Joseph started reading the scene.
Joseph [he only got about six words into it before I realized...]
Oh no…
Tucker “Wait…you’re not reading for Tucker? You’re reading for [Fratty]?”
The entire room–Bob Gosse, Max Wong, Joseph Middleton, Deanna, Ben, and the actor–busted out laughing at me.
Tucker “Oh shit. Dude, I am SO SORRY. I thought you were reading for me. I was wrong, you were right. Fuck!”
It took everyone another five minutes of laughing at me and busting on me before we could go back to the scene. And the actor put his collar and sleeves back up.
I was mortified. I had totally shit on this guy, dressed him down in front of everyone for making a choice that I thought was completely wrong, when in fact, I was the fucking idiot who didn’t know what role he was reading for. That might be excusable, except that it was printed on a piece of paper, right in front of me, that he was reading for [Fratty].
I guess that makes me an asshole AND a douche bag.
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Right now, we have our actors who are playing the SlingBlade and the [PWJ/GoldenBoy/El Bingeroso] characters pretty much decided. They are both fantastic actors and nailed the auditions. We have a bead on the two female leads, and will probably have those locked up by the end of the month. We even have a few of the smaller, but still important, roles filled or close to being filled.
But we aren’t even close on Tucker Max.
When this whole thing started, I thought for sure the hardest part to cast would be the SlingBlade role. I said this to Joseph, and he immediately disagreed:
“No, that won’t take too long. There are a LOT of actors in Hollywood who are like that character. It’s Tucker that’s going to be hard. That’s going to take someone with star power.”
I thought he was out of his mind, but as usual, he was 100% right. We had at least four guys come in who could have played a very good SlingBlade, and the one we picked is going to knock it out of the park. But man…we have struggled just to find two guys who are even close on the Tucker character.
At this point, the only male character we are reading for is Tucker. All day, every day actors pile in to read for Tucker, and all day every day Joseph and his associates have to sit through guys getting it completely wrong. I only see the 5-10 every week who are close, and even those drive me nuts they are so far off.
It’s so weird to listen to these guys pretend to be me. There is one line in particular that affects me. The relevant part goes like this (don’t worry, it gives nothing about the movie away):
“…my name is Tucker Max…”
I have heard at least 40 guys say that so far, and without exception, I have cringed every time I’ve heard it.
Picture the scene: There I am, Tucker Max, the real person whose given name at birth is Tucker Max, sitting in a small room, watching an actor stand up and recite words I wrote, about my life, pretending to be me, declaring for the world to see that he is “Tucker Max.” It’s so fucking surreal I can’t even really think about it, because the implications go on infinitely, like a fractal–you can look at it as close as you want and never see the end.
But the point is this: No one has come in there and really owned the role. No one has made ME believe it when he says, “My name is Tucker Max.” And if I don’t believe it, why would any of my fans? Or a random person?
I don’t know why this role is so hard to get. Everyone has their own theories. Max says that it’s all about the eyes. Bob says it’s about the improv aspect, that the actor has to see it as a process and not a destination. Nils says it’s about having fun, about inhabiting the joy of the character. Bunny says it’s all in the naughty smile. Joseph says the role needs that spark that only star power brings, that makes audiences love the character no matter what he does. They are all right–it’ll take all of that.
These guys will read the lines too desperate or too aggressive or too obsequious or too angry or too something. I try to make them understand it’s not about getting pussy, it’s about having fun. It’s not about getting drunk, it’s about being with your friends. It’s not about dishing out put-downs, it’s about the thrill that comes with improving a witty line. It’s not about being an asshole, it’s about refusing to let others define your life. It’s ultimately about being the person you want to be, and all the manic happiness that comes with that.
No one gets this, but it seems so obvious to me. Then again, this actually is my life. Which makes it doubly weird–I have to deconstruct my own life so I can explain to someone else how to pretend to be me.
This whole post went in circles. Just like the process for casting Tucker Max has gone.
EDIT: I misspoke when I said no one is close. There have been two guys who were in the ballpark. We may end up having to go with someone who is kinda close, and just bust our ass to get him there. I don’t know. Like Nils said, there just may not be two of me.
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I am not putting my picture on this blog entry–god forbid someone mistakenly thinks I wrote the abortion you are about to read.
This is a real email (he sent to me via email, MySpace, Facebook, and posted on the message board). Not only could I not make this up, I don’t think I even have the stamina to type this much. Kudos if you make it all the way through this thing. I stopped at the line I quoted in the title of this blog post:
“Dear Tucker Max,
PS→Sorry for the long ass plea but I felt it was necessary to get the job done. You’re going to want to read the whole thing, cause it builds up to a pretty good climax.
Judging from your blog I know for a fact that you do not a big Hollywood guy whose ego is coming out of his ass playing you because you want this movie to be great because you know it can be and you know that this isn’t possible with some huge movie star who is more concerned with his rank in Holly wood then with the success of the film. This movie has the potential to be great but only if the castings are perfect, if they aren’t then they could butcher the whole reputation of not only the movie itself but the whole Tucker Max franchise including the book. This would be a huge tragedy as the reputation of the book is currently legendary. This movie has the potential to be a movie that defines a generation a la ‘animal house’. This is where I come into the equation. I feel that I am the perfect candidate to be cast as yourself in the movie because I believe that I am on par with what it actually means to be Tucker Max. I live out the same dream as you. We think alike. I feel like an actor cannot just pull a great performance out of their ass, a stellar performance requires that the actor must actually have real life stories that relate to the character that is going to be portrayed. Meaning essentially that is unrealistic to think that an actor can be good enough to ‘act’ as Tucker Max. The only way that this will be believable to an audience is to choose someone that has stories that are on the exact same level as those in your book. I am not trying to sound arrogant when I make this statement or are trying to challenge you in any way to some sort of competition but I think that I have stories that are also above the ’shit-house’ level drunkenness that fall in the glorious section of Tucker Max Drunk stories. I feel that these real life experiences make the perfect candidate to play you on film.
See I am one of those guys who does not understand what drinking casually is. I don’t know what it is because I have never done it. When I drink, I drink to get really fucked up. No other thing. It is just something that is a part of being, it is in my blood, you could say that it is my only vice in life. Because of this tendency I too seem to get myself in many situations that we consider to be hilarious but other people who are narrower minded might see as idiotic situations. The fact that I too live this type of lifestyle and it is a part of me makes me confident that I could best portray this realistically on film. I am not gonna lie to at all, you have never heard of me before because I am probably the unknown actor in the world at this point and this is not even an understatement. I don’t even think that I can be considered an actor right now, because I am not a working actor I am actually still a student but I am graduating in June, but acting is still something that I know will become a reality in the near future. See I have only very small roles in some student films and a scene in a low budget film. The story of this movie must be told to you because I feel that it is in essence what makes me perfect for the role of Tucker Max.
So I was living in LA in the summer of 2006 pursuing my dream of becoming an actor. I literally packed up my bags in Toronto, Canada, got my parents to buy me a shitbox car from Florida and then drive that thing across the whole god damn continent to LA. I told my parents that it would only be for the summer, but in my mind I was hoping that it was going to be forever because I was going to make it. I was extremely naïve at the time. When I finally got to LA reality set in. Becoming an actor in this town is almost impossible because the whole fuckin town is full of them. If you’re not careful enough in this town you’re gonna end up some washed up actor in their 40’s having accomplished absolutely nothing in their lives but still holding on to this pipedream. I did not want this to happen to me but starting out in LA is nearly impossible. I already had some things going for me. I had a step sister living in LA living with her fiancé (sad to say that he is one of the washed up 40 year actors in LA, but I love the guy anyways because he is just so fuckin funny because he has absolutely no sensor on him. He says the most inappropriate things at all the most inappropriate times). He as a side job was a personal trainer at 24 Hour fitness in Sherman Oaks mall, that he got as a result of being a contestant on the reality show the biggest loser. Long story short one of his clients was the wife on a man who owned his own talent agency in LA and he hooked me up with him. I went in and met the guy and told him everything. After debating he let me in to his agency even knowing that I had no prior experience acting. He didn’t even make me perform a monologue for him because I did not have one prepared. He let me join simply because of the fact that I came in and met him and convinced him to sign me. The act alone is what got me the deal. I guess I do possess some great manipulative skills and have a little bit too much confidence in myself.
Not to ruin this warm and fuzzy feel good kind of story I soon found out that Agents don’t do shit for you if you’re a nobody in this town (I am not gonna name the name of the agency or the owner of the agency because I am probably going to go back to the agency when I move back to LA in the summer. I am so low, but this actually a very smart move because any agent is better than no agent). So I decided to take things into my own hands kind of like I am doing right now. I started sending out my pictures for every role out there on the Internet on LA casting and casting networks even if I didn’t fit the physical features of the character they were looking for. I probably pissed off a whole lot of casting directors in the process but I didn’t give a shit because in my mind at least I was getting my name out there, even though it was for bad reasons. In my mind any exposure, is good exposure. In the process of doing this I was actually contacted back for a part. I didn’t even have to friggin audition (I should have known right from the start that the whole situation was a bit shady). Surprised to actually get a call back from my agent I was happy to learn that they wanted me to come in because of ‘my hair’. I guess they found it intriguing. Not to sound arrogant again but I do consider myself to be a pretty good looking guy, and this is good because I know that you’re looking for a stud to play you because you wrote it in your blog. So my useless agent gave me the info of when and where to go. I was pretty giddy about the whole thing because he said that this could be a big opportunity for me making it sound as if the part was a stepping-stone or something. It was supposed to give me my first SAG voucher. I knew nothing about the whole acting in Hollywood thing at the time about SAG vouchers and all that but it sounded good so I was pleased with myself at the time. Just in case you are wondering I am still not a SAG actor as this is still the only SAG voucher I have earned. Kinda sad. Anyways the part that I got in the movie was supposed to be very similar a scene with Dustin Hoffman from the graduate. I lied and would be lying to you right now if I told you that I knew what scene that was. I never really looked into it, but I made it sound as if I knew exactly which scene it was to my agent. I guess this reveals another little bit of my personality. Probably considered to be a flaw that I like to make it look like I know things when I really have absolutely no clue. I call it ‘true acting’ but others call it the art of bullshitting. I guess I can be considered a pro at it because people actually believe me though.
Anyways I get to the movie set not knowing anything, as this was the first professional movie set I had ever been on. I get there all nervous and am greeted by so many people that I can’t even remember their names. Not that I am any good with names anyways as whenever I introduce myself to people I never really listen to what their name is back. Another bad habit of mine and probably the real reason why I can’t make any head way in this town. The casting director makes the remark, “so this is our Dustin Hoffman” and I reply that “that would be me” all confident even though I have no clue what the hell they are talking about. Then they comment about my hair and state that this is the only reason I am here. This of course makes me feel really good about myself because the only reason that I am here is because of my fucking hair and not something relevant like my personality or anything like that. Yah casting director are real asses too because they people like pieces of meat. They just chew them up and spit them out though, kind of like Hollywood itself. The casting director gives me my own trailer to chill in. I am thinking to myself that this is something that I could get used to. So I am sitting there not knowing what to do and the assistant director comes knocking and lets me know that I have to go to hair and makeup. This is also new to me. So I walk down past about 10 trailers and enter into another big ass trailer and sit down while they fix me all up. The makeup artist calls me in and calls me out “saying this is your first time isn’t it?”. This made me feel like completely shit because I was sitting in a chair next to some actress who was apparently somebody big. She made it look as if she was God’s fucking gift to the earth, just being a total bitch to everyone working on her. So the look she gave me when the makeup artist said this to me made me want to slit my wrists and kill myself because she was so fucking hot. The thing was though that she knew she was hot and that was why she was treating everyone like shit was because she knew she could get away with it because of her looks. Real beauties can get away with murder in this town, that is how artificial this city and this industry is.
After my debacle in the makeup trailer which I now look back on as being pretty hilarious because I do not really care what the fuck other fake idiots think of me anymore, they hauled me off to the set. I didn’t go through wardrobe or anything like that they just made me wear my own clothes. Had I known anything about the industry I should have taken this as another sign for things to come, but yet again I had no clue. So I get up to the set and wait around for a couple hours, I would have brought a book or something to read had I known I would be waiting around. I guess those ‘how to become actors’ self help books forget to tell people about this, something they should look in to. So I sit there and just observe the intricacies of a real movie set. I just watch and learn. To me it is all new. The set looked legit, it was set in a mansion right in the middle of LA. I had never been in a house like this in my entire life but I was gonna get my chance in just a short couple hours. I recognize some of the actors starring in the movie and it gets me all excited/nervous. Finally they call my scene. They actually call it out and I don’t realize that it is my scene because I am so new to everything that they actually go looking for me. When I realize they are looking for me it makes me look like a complete idiot. Anyways they take me in the house, along with this attractive older woman. My guess was that she was about mid 40’s at the time. They take us into the dining room. The director comes in and starts explaining the scene to us. Turns out that in the scene I am gonna have to be making out with the cougars’ inner thigh, insinuating that I am eventually gonna move in for the kill on the snatch even though they were actually not gonna show this because the movie was a comedy and not a porn. In my innocent mind though this scene was soft core porn. The thoughts that were racing through my mind at the time were: how the fuck did my idiot of an agent not mention to me that it was going to be semi-sex scene on a dining room table and what are my grandparents gonna say to me when they see my debut in film (I come from a really religious family. Yah I know it doesn’t really sound like it though). If you’re gonna want the name of the movie though to IMDB you’re gonna have to message me back.
So we do a run through of the scene before actually filming it. And I am just going at this lady’s inner thigh while she is just moaning and the whole situation is awkward as fuck as there are about 10 people watching me do this. I just close my eyes and go nuts. The director tells me that was perfect and he wants me to do exactly that when we actually film it. So he goes and grabs his camera. He comes back and puts us into final position and then says that he thinks the scene would be better if my pants were half off, showing my ass. At this point I lose it, I cannot believe what is being asked of me and I blurt something out that I am not comfortable doing that. I guess I do have a bit of backbone in me, but it shocks the director as he thought I would just give in to his manipulation and it kinda of shocks me too with me being a movie set virgin. Now that I think about it is actually kind of impressive that I had the balls to say something. Anyways my plight changes the director’s mind and he lets me keep my pants on and we start filming. So once again I am forced to go nuts on the hot mom’s leg. Apparently the shoot goes perfect as we only had to do one cut. The whole thing took only a short number of seconds. As I walk out of the set people are patting me on the back telling me how good I did. All I could do though was equate myself to being a cheap whore as I knew I wasn’t getting paid much for this gig. In the back round as I walked away I could hear the cougar actress raising her voice to the director saying “Was he green?? Was that kid fucking green?” Not knowing what this meant at the time it just flew over my head. Only now do I realize that maybe the lady had stood up for me and taken offense to nobody letting me know what they role actually entailed for me before I got to the fucking set. If I ever meet that cougar again today I would genuinely thank her for that.
Anyways the night didn’t get any better (It was an all night shoot) and immediately after my scene everyone decided to take dinner. This was bad for me because nobody could drive me back to the where the trailers were located so I could get the fuck out of there (It was about a 10 minute drive) and I was gonna have to sit through a really awkward dinner. I go over to check out what was there for us to eat not knowing what the food was going to be like. I was surprised when I got there because the whole thing was catered and it turned out being some of the best food I ever had. Apparently professional movie sets were known for great food, another thing that nobody had let me in on. After pilling up my plate with a gourmet steak and some baked potatoes I look around for a seat. There are not many open seats and they are all at tables with pompous people that I don’t really feel like sitting with. Then I spot a seat directly across from the ‘cougar lady’. I decide that she is the only person that I really know here so I go and grab it. We dine together and chat about all sorts of inappropriate things including what just happened set. This is where the story will conveniently end and I will let your Tucker Max imagination run wild with how the rest of the night played out. It is safe to say though that my acting debut was a legendary one.
I am not a professional actor but I want to be one. After that summer I moved home back to Toronto because I decided that it would probably be good to have a degree in something before embarking on becoming an actor because the entertainment business is so shady and unpredictable. I needed something to fall back on. I learned this because I pretty much only worked on about 5 films in small shitty roles, none of them being speaking parts let me add. Right now I literally just wrote my last exam of University and are planning on moving back to late this summer. The thing is it will be too late to have a shot to be in your movie and this is definitely something that I do not want to miss out on. I am currently not with any agency because I am still in Toronto but I plan on going back to the same agency when I get to LA. So I guess the only way I can advertise myself to you is through Facebook. I mean who doesn’t have facebook these days anyways. If you think I am worthy of an audition you can add me. I am just asking for you to give me a shot and I promise you will not be disappointed. I am your man for the job, I have a Tucker Max mentality running through me that no actor, I don’t care how famous they are, has.”
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Before the advent of GPS and smart bombs, hitting distant hillside targets with an artillery battery (even if the targets were fixed and dug in) was not a simple proposition. Maybe once in a great while, under perfect conditions, you might hit your mark on the first or second shot. But most often, like everything else in battle, you’d examine your objective, use all the tools and intelligence at your disposal, formulate a plan, gather the best people you could find to execute it, and then try to get close. Usually, the first volley falls short. So, you re-examine your target and your tactics, adjust accordingly, and try again. You repeat this process until, ultimately, hopefully, you’ve walked your artillery fire up the hill right into your intended target.
I know what you’re thinking: what the hell does this have to do with making a movie?! The simple answer is:
EVERYTHING.
With the change of a word here and there, I just described the entire casting process and the job Joseph Middleton and his crew have been doing. Over the last several weeks, they have fixed their sights on a set of targets at the top of the mountain (The Roles), used all the tools (Pre-reads) and intelligence (Experience) they have at their disposal, picked the best people they could get (Available Actors), and started walking fire up the hill. And I’ll be goddamned if they haven’t gotten closer and closer to hitting the mark dead center. We typically do two 2-hour sessions per week and each one has gotten progressively better since the breakdowns went out and Joseph & Co. have had to wade through the subsequent cavalcade of audition requests; 600 for “Tucker” alone the first day or two (that’s probably not out of the ordinary, but it sounds like a lot so blow me).***
If you were to ask Joseph, he would tell you that the first session after the breakdowns went out fell far short of the mark. It was the first week where he really had to separate wheat from chaff in the pre-reads and he wanted the session to have at least a couple bright spots. You know, make a good first impression and all that stuff. Of course, he’s being too hard on himself, but that’s the sign of someone who takes his work seriously and is very good at his job. Don’t get me wrong, the session wasn’t great. But it wasn’t so awful that Joe should beat himself up or consider a different line of work.
The slow, methodical walk to the target at the top of the mountain is best exemplified by the search for “Tucker.” Thus far we’ve read two actors for Tucker who were very, very good–one about whom you’ve already read, and both choices we would be content with in the final analysis. Still, there is this momentum, this push, to find the perfect Tucker. To hit the target dead center. There is this collective hope that we will be sitting there in the room and an actor will walk in, read it cold, and we will jump to our feet as a shaft of light breaks through the blinds and a chorus of angels strikes a single harmonious note: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Being a newcomer to this industry, my assumption is that this is the hope of all directors, producers, and casting directors when it comes to finding the right actor for the main character. Do I think it’s going to happen that way for us? Honestly, I don’t think so. After all, can the world really handle TWO of Tucker Max? I think what is far more likely is that we are going to get really close; so close that we can work our way to the target without much effort, rather than having to rely on landing a direct hit.
If it can be done, however, I trust Joseph & Co. to be the ones to do it. Any doubt was washed away last week as we hung out in his office prior to the start of a casting session. We were commiserating on how hard it’s been to find the perfect Tucker and he was telling us how difficult it’s been for him to find actors who understood the character enough just to come close to making it past pre-reads. “They hide behind their smiles,” he said. Tucker asked him if he was sure he was describing the essence of the Tucker character to them correctly. “Oh yeah, I’ve got it down.” he said. That’s when Joseph Middleton unfurled a 30 second extemporaneous monologue replete with incisive, pithy observations about Tucker’s motivation and character that nailed the role like Christ to the cross.
We were blown away. Thinking about it today, I realized that up until last week, understanding this Tucker character was Joseph’s real first target. Each pre-read and each audition was just another step as he walked the fire up the hill to it. Finding the actor to play the role would only be a by-product of this understanding; a target only reachable once the previous one had been hit. Well Joseph & Co. reached the first target last week. Now, we all hope, it’s just a matter of homing in and waiting for the angels to sing.
*** A fuller discussion of the casting process can be found here.
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This page is intermittently updated as new questions and info arise:
Is this going to be in movie theaters?
Yes. It is a major motion picture, with almost everything that comes with that. For all intents and purposes to the normal moviegoer, it will look and feel like any other movie; professional actors you’ve seen in other movies and TV shows, shot on 35mm, released on thousands of screens, and will not seem “indie” in any way. The only thing that will make this an indie film will be the fact that a studio didn’t fuck it up in development. In every other way, it will indistinguishable from any other big, commercial comedy.
Can I be in the movie?
No, we are finished shooting.
Is there going to be nudity?
Is there any other way to make a movie? Discussed here.
Is Tucker going to play himself?
No chance. Discussed here.
Is Tucker going to make a cameo?
Yes, but I am not going to tell you anything about it, you’ll just have to wait and see when it comes out.
Who is Bob Gosse, and why did you pick him to direct the movie?
Bob is an indie director who has been in the film business for decades. You can read all about him and why we picked him here, and here.
Is this an indie or a studio movie?
It’s an indie. Discussed here.
Who is financing the movie?
Darko Entertainment, they guys who did Donnie Darko, Southland Tales and The Box. Discussed at length here.
What MPAA rating is the movie going to have?
We will be trying for an R rating.
When will the trailer be done?
When we finish it. No sooner than March.
What music are you using for the film?
We have a list of songs we are thinking of using for each scene, but this issue will be decided later on in production. Generally speaking, it’ll be contemporary music, mostly rap, rock, etc. Paul Wall is also doing a few songs for the movie, discussed here.
When and where is it being shot?
Shooting started on July 21st in Shreveport, Louisiana and wrapped on August 31st.
Why Shreveport, Louisiana?
Tax rebates. We get 25% of our production costs back for shooting there.
Who is in the movie?
You can see most of the cast list on the movies IMDB page.
Are you marketing the movie in any special way? If so, how?
Yes, we plan to do a lot of new things. Just keep checking here and you’ll see what we do.
Is the movie based on a specific story from the book?
The movie is loosely based on The Austin Road Trip Story, but deviates substantially in many ways. It is, for all intents and purposes, a derivative work of fiction that is very closely based on several of my real life stories. You don’t need to be a fan to understand anything in the movie, but if you are a fan, it’ll still be what you want to see.
When will the movie be released?
Release date is not set, but it’ll probably be sometime between May and October of 2009.
What is the production budget?
10 million.
What is the marketing budget?
Not determined yet.
Will this be immediately released outside of the US?
Not sure. At the very least, the movie will be released in the other English speaking nations (Australia, New Zealand, UK, etc), but I have no idea if it’ll be the same date or not.

You can ask more questions here.