Premiere #3: Atlanta
August 20, 2009
Since Atlanta and Athens are so close in geographic and cultural proximity, I was going put both posts together.
That was before last night. I am honestly not even sure where to begin describing what happened to me last night–in short, I encountered one of the ten craziest girls I have ever met. And THAT is saying something, so give me a day or two to process the events and write it up. Highlights from Atlanta:
-Atlanta screening went great, but man, there is such a difference between the screenings where the theater sells alcohol and the ones where they don’t. There is the predictable difference in crowd energy, etc, but the real difference is that “one guy” on the sober audience if very different that the drinking audience. In Atlanta they served beer, and one dude was so drunk by the end of the movie, he got up to piss and when he came back he couldn’t find his seat. So he just sat in the back of the theater and giggled to himself. And Nils is pretty sure he shit his pants. Or maybe he smells like that all the time.
-An exchange with some ATL girls:
Her “I went to College of Charleston!”
Tucker “The guy who plays me in the movie when to CoC.”
Her “What’s his name?”
Tucker “Matt Czuchry.”
Her “Hmph. I’ve never heard of him. But I do know that Logan from Gilmore Girls went to CoC, and was captain of the tennis team when he was there!”
Tucker “You’re a fucking idiot.”
-In line for the screening, some dude said, “What Randy Couture does with punches, Tucker does with words.” I am not sure if that’s meant to be good or bad, as Couture has never been known for his stand-up, but I will take any comparison to Randy that I can get.
-I gave my number to a girl, but ended up bailing on her for a different girl. After a few texts pleading for me to come over, she ended with this gem, “But what about my pussy?” Such complex brilliance expressed in such few words.
-An email from an Atlanta girl:
“I want to meet you and by meet you I mean fuck you. I didn’t preorder any books or movie tickets because I would rather RSVP to your cock Tucker. I hope you get back to me because I am just out to have a good time and fuck someone who is a published author and has offended many (Henry Miller would be the first author I would want to fuck for his raw Tropic of Cancer, but he is fucking old and I’m not into saggy balls or Brooklyn).”
Henry Miller is not old. Henry Miller is dead. For thirty years. Glad to know this one rates an RSVP to my cock above a femur in her pussy.
-The pictures of the Atlanta premiere.
-The video highlight reel:
-I want to talk about something else. The email below is becoming a pattern:
“Any chance I could get a ticket to your premiere in NYC? We could trade a ticket for something else, like sex or a blowjob or whatever. I’m down for anything.”
I mean, come on. That is incredibly creeper. Don’t get me wrong, if you are a hot girl–and not totally insane–I would love to discuss the possibility of us having sex. We can even have sex. But not for the exchange of goods. That is prostitution, and it may not bother you to sell access to your vagina, but it does bother me, especially if my penis is involved.
And yes, I am FULLY aware of the multiple levels of irony in that last paragraph. Fuck off.
Previous Recaps and Videos:
Premiere #2: Seattle [Tucker's recap] [Video recap]
